Welcome Guest Blogger, Jelisa Jay Robinson! A fellow Longhorn, writer, and theater artist, we often discuss life as a twentysomething.
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My friend circles are a collage of movers and shakers. Folks who hit the ground running and don't stop. Whether they are coaching a winning volleyball team, writing their own memoirs or backpacking across Europe, they all prove that following your passions can be fruitful. I watch and support the success around me. I cheer the loudest at their plays, tweet the musiest congrats I can muster in 140 characters and make them feel like superstars. Yes, I milk my proud friend moments but I am not going to lie...sometimes I compare myself to them.
Oh, don't look at me like you have never done that before.
Your friend gets an incredible opportunity and you are still applying for jobs. You are stoked for them but you wonder when your shot is coming. A little jealousy creeps up. Of course, you don't show it. You save it for a vent-session your mother or a friend who is completely detached from the situation. You question your life path and wonder why isn't anything "Facebook-update-worthy" going down in your life.
Well, just chill.
Run your own race.
Yours is coming.
In the mean time...
Stay in your own lane
Success is not spontanous. It comes as a result of spending hours hammering at your craft. It comes from focusing on you because you aren't in competition with anyone but you. It can be easy to compare myself to my friends who write and feel inadequate, like I am not doing enough. But understanding that I am on my own journey helps me sleep better at night. You only feel envious when you forget that the top isn't overcrowed and everyone can reach success.
Celebrate
And when that success comes you will want to celebrate with your loved ones. You will want them to be as happy for you as you were for them. If not more. So go eat cake. Get margaritas. Post an obnoxious Facebook post or Instagram photo with a heartfelt story of how they "started from the bottom" now they are here. We don't want to make it to the top without our family, friends and loved ones. And supporting them puts you in positive spirits.
Work hard
Chances are you have to work for your goal (unless you are Paris Hilton) so instead of letting jealousy fester. Use their success as a motivator. Let it light fire under your behind to grind even harder.
Write a list of awesomeness
When you are moping about not getting your way, it is because you have forgotten about all the blessings you have. Write a list of all the awesome things in your life. Saved money instead of eating out? Write it down. Studied in France a few years ago? Write it down. Helped your mom with groceries? Write it. All of these will remind you that you are awesome and you have a lot to be thankful for.
Shut the cup up
Don't ruin your friend's big moment by talking about your insecurities all the time. Do what you have to do to deal. Pray or have a chat with a trusted loved one. We all need to talk it out but do not dwell in despair. Just remember that your friend needs your support now more than ever. Don't be in your feelings for two long.
When you find yourself sulking in despair because life is not what you envisioned at the moment, remember that supporting your friend means the world to them. Comparing your path to theirs is like comparing an apple to an orange. Too different. Everyone is on their own journey. Have a little faith that your breakthrough is coming. Enjoy life and embrace relationships. Because when you get your big opportunity, you will want to celebrate. So when your friends find success and you find yourself a little jelly, recognize it, move on and work harder. Remember that God always has a plan.
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Jelisa Jay Robinson is a 20-something writer and playwright from Houston but her heart lives in New York. She is the creator of lifestyle blog Black Girl, Latin World and she writes for Her Campus, the LatiNegr@s Project, Real Brown Girls and the Horn.
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