You Never Forget Your First

One's first time is scary, thrilling, exhausting.

And it seems like a lot of people's first time involves crying. Mine did. It also contained auditioning for NYU's Tisch School of the Arts dance program and forcing Mama Fitz to walk up and down Fifth Avenue with me, hoping to see Miranda Priestly. I'm going to say that that is normal.

Let's just get real: the first visit to New York City is overwhelming. Tall buildings which seemingly stunt your sense of direction, hoards of people shoving past you, COMMUTING UNDERGROUND!?!?

Now that I'm living here ~for real~, I've not only been getting questions about moving here, but there have been tons of first-city visits, and I know more are on the way. As their friend, I am happy to take on the role of their host. My obsession with this city is well-known, so why not indulge in being a tourist with them for a weekend? I even like showing them around Times Square. YUP.

There are things you can do as the visitor to make sure you have the best experience. Or at least prevent crying.

It's Not Like The Movies
Without even realizing it, there seems to be this pressure of wanting and expecting your first trip to be like everything you've seen in films and TV shows. For Gossip Girl fans, it's being whisked to fancy gala by Nate Archibald. For Home Alone 2 fans, it's a week-long stay at the Plaza. These most likely won't happen, especially on your first trip to the city.

Length DOES Matter
NYC apartments are small, which makes long stays kind of tricky. What constitutes a long stay? Quite honestly, more than three or four days. If you think you can't accommodate someone for longer than that, sweetly suggest an AirBnB - we all know how expensive hotels are.

Respect Each Other
Living and working full time in NYC means NYC is now home which means most evenings I'm in bed eating pasta and watching Netflix. Visiting NYC means NYC is exciting and new which means on most days you want to be discovering the hidden gems and everything else this fabulous city has to offer. Both are valid. Both need to be respected. Both need to be balanced.

A Word About Protection
A common concern about the city is safety. If you find yourself alone in the city (sightseeing, meeting other friends, etc.), my best advice is: be alert. And even if you are scared shitless, act like you know what you're doing. Fake it til you make it. Sure, you can bring pepper spray, but trust your instincts, be aware, and be fearless.

Spontaneity is Key
I highly recommend making a list of "must-sees" before you get to NYC. Don't worry about if they're "touristy", they're famous for a reason, right? Prioritize them so you can make sure to see them. Everything else is icing on the cake. And in my experience, the icing seems to be the best part. The unplanned moments. The spontaneous moments. The tequila shot-taking before watching the incredible "Here Lies Love". The googling of "bands playing in NYC tonight" and finding your new favorite band at Brooklyn Bowl. The night snow-playing in Central Park's Bethesda Fountain.

Those moments are why you never forget your first.

Moving to NYC Checklist

The list of NYC-ccentric TV shows during my short 23 years on earth is extensive: "Sex and the City", "Will & Grace", "Friends", "GIRLS", "Broad City",  the list goes on and on! I have definitely seen the scenes of laughing and drinking wine with friends, but I realized that I must have missed the episode in each series that covered finding an apartment and moving. All I know is something about yelling "pivot!" in a Friends episode and carrying a couch up a flight of stairs.

What was I to do since I had no pop culture guide to turn to when searching for an apartment in NYC?

Well, I winged it.

The 10-week summer sublease search I had down. But the resources I turned to for my internship housing didn't seem as helpful when looking for a permanent home.

Now, in my four months of being here, I have gotten a lot of questions from future New Yorkers asking how to handle the moving process. Here's a checklist for their convenience:

Check Your Money:
Jonathan Larson's angsty "How we gonna paaaaay last year's rent!?!?" has become a mantra rather than the track that I skip over on the RENT soundtrack. Not only do you have to worry about the notoriously higher monthly rate (and bills), but there's an application fee even just apply to maybe get the apartment. Then there's a credit check/guarantor fee, a deposit, and a stupid enormous fee for the broker who showed you the money-sucking pit in the first place. This would be a great time to learn about a rich uncle you never knew you had.

Check Your Resources:

Let no friend go unturned. Ask friends if they know of any apartments that are open, or if they have any friends that know of any apartments that are open. Look up places on ol' reliable: sketchy Craigslist. Post of Facebook. Tweet. Hire a skywriter. Here's a helpful listing website. Here's another. And another.

Check Your Standards:

Apartments in NYC are old. They were once occupied by families in the early 1900s who only needed one bathroom, one bedroom, and two hands to be the dishwasher. They didn't think about Millennial twentysomethings who would need electrical outlets close to where they want to put their queen size bed, or more than an inch of space between the toilet and shower so they can do their routine getting naked dance as they hop in the shower. 

Make a list before you start looking of things you can't live without. A common space to host friends that come over? A hall closet for miscellaneous household cleaning items in? A shower that isn't in the kitchen? Yes, I saw an apartment whose kitchen played home to the shower. That was raised up on a platform. IN THE KITCHEN. Silver lining of the "bitchen" (bathroom in kitchen): you have immediate access to the cookies your roomie just baked while washing your hair?

Check Your Furniture:

The trouble with moving from across the country in September and having a mother that is a teacher and no money: you can't move your stuff with you. Mama Fitz was able to ship some things over, but when it came to bedroom furniture, I had to start from scratch. Bookmark the Brooklyn IKEA address in your phone right meow. Be prepared to pay a hefty sum to have it shipped to your apartment and assembled, or spend a little extra for their car service and nice-as-pie drivers. 

Beware of Craigslist furniture, for not everyone is going to be upfront about their bedbug problem. It's like the lice of adulthood, srsly. 

When picking out furniture, be mindful of the dimensions of your space (I recommend measuring before and taking the measurements to IKEA with you), the fun-house-esque doorways, and how many stairs you'll have to carry them up. (I think this is when I could make the Friends' "pivot!" reference, but I'm only in Season 2.)

Check Your Neighborhood Culture:

Ask yourself this: "could I see myself stumbling home drunk from the subway in this neighborhood?" While a lot of people like visiting apartments during the day, seeing apartments at night can be useful, too. Would you feel safe walking home by yourself? Is there a drugstore you could run to wearing your Sunday's coziest and messy bun? Is there a laundromat nearby that you wouldn't mind spending a few hours at? Are there places to wine and dine? Munch and brunch? Liking your neighborhood and liking places you can get to by foot is tres important.

Check Your Olivia Pope Questions:

No one is looking out for your best interests. They just want to make the sale and get the money. That isn't to say they won't be helpful or honest with you, but you are in charge of you. Channel your inner Olivia Pope. Ask tough questions. Handle your shit. Don't give anyone any question to doubt you.

Check Your Personal Info:

Signing an apartment lease in NYC felt a little like what I assume making a joint checking account or adopting a child is like. They will want your SSN, your bank account number, your last two previous addresses, a couple months of pay stubs, documentation of your job, your great-grandmother's uncle's second wife's favorite breakfast food. (Just kidding about the last one, maybe.) Have all of the info on hand because putting in an offer for an apartment moves quickly.

Check Your Roommate:

If you're searching for a brand new place together, please make sure you like and trust the person. You might have to lean on them, they might have to lean on you. My current roomie let me lean on her A LOT, and there is no way I would have gotten through the process without her, which is why I am naming my first child after her, regardless of gender.

Check Your Time:

Make sure to give yourself lots of time. Don't rush the search process. You don't want to settle on something because of lack of time.

Check Your Sense of Humor:

When searching for our apartment, Michaela and I walked through the freezing cold rain, were creepily hit on by brokers, got lost in sketchy neighborhoods, and spent so many nights wondering when the search would be over. But we knew, once we were sitting in our humble abode with glasses of red wine in hand, we would look back on it and laugh. And we do, just like I was taught in every NYC TV show.