Love Is Never Having To Say You're Sorry

Love is a funny thing in New York City. Or should I say; attraction is a funny thing in New York City.

Here's a breakdown of the levels of attraction I've experienced:

1) The Subway Eye Flirtation
Your eyes meet on a crowded subway, over the shoulder of a mom being clung to by a baby, past the right earlobe of someone listening to music; your eyes lock. Then they quickly shift away. Then you look back. Ah! They are still looking at you. Now downwards at your shoes. And back, but damn they are focused on wiping the sweat off their brow. Maybe they are trying to make themselves more presentable for you?

The subway eye flirtation is a favorite of mine, because it is non-committal yet deliciously entertaining. You feel good because they are checking you out, they feel good because you are checking them out. Everybody wins!

2) The Street Holler
It's the end of the day, you just climbed the stairs after a 35 minute train ride, and it begins. "Hola chica, que paso?", "Muy bonita, mama", "Mi amor, mi amor!". You adjust your earbuds, permafix a frown to your face, and march on down the street.

It's like Vanessa sings in "It Won't Be Long Now" in In The Heights, "The boys around the way holler at me when I'm walking down the street / Their machismo pride, doesn't break my stride / It's a compliment so they say." Okay great, another ego boost. However, these just seem lewd. Maybe it's because I'm not 100% sure what they are saying (WHY did I take French over Spanish?), maybe it's because I've never really experienced this kind of attention (Vancouver guys certainly haven't whistled at me on the street), or maybe it's just because I feel somewhat objectified (Thanks Theater and Dance classes!). It just seems a little absurd. I mean, I've gotten a marriage proposal before... Really? A girl you've seen for less than 30 seconds and you think she's the one to marry?

3) The Real Grown Up Dating
You meet up at the predetermined time and place. The basics are covered: where you grew up, where you went to school, family, your professional future (and only your professional future, your romantic future is taboo!). You discuss things you have in common, things you don't have in common, and if you're lucky, only a few awkward pauses.

Or you get stood up. Cute.

4) The Bicycle Built For Two
Basically the happy montage section of a rom-com. Exploring the city together, sharing Big Gay Ice Cream Monday Sundaes together, taking touristy photos together, loving life together.

This level of attraction is so fun. It's like nothing is the world can touch you. Sometimes I crave the affection of the level four attraction; the finger linking, the gentle kisses, the late night life talks. But on the other hand, there is something extremely freeing and exciting about not having to answer to anyone but yourself. That's what NYC has given me this summer. A chance to "do me". I've been doing independent, single, 21 year-old me, and as cheesy as that feels to read, it feels even better to live it.

And while I do appreciate the quote from Love Story that titles this post, I think we can all agree there are times when you hurt someone you care about, and you have to apologize. But when it's you, just you, you never have to apologize for being yourself.

New York City, the sequel.

In Theaters Now!

Put on your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen, for this post is going to be a doozy.

I first must take a moment to apologize to my loyal readers, who had been religiously following these posts (hey mom!), for not updating since March. But now that I'm back in New York, I've had a request to chronicle my life and the brouhaha that is likely to be this summer. I had already been scolding myself for not writing more, but after the NYC/Spring Break post, life got CRAY-CRAY. Just three mere days after I wrote that post I had to spend the night in Nashville, alone! A snowstorm delayed my flight from NYC so I missed my Nashville-Austin connection and had to sleep for six hours in a scary big (albeit suuupes comfy) bed in some random hotel ALONE. Talk about our 20s being a time to grow up.

I also threw myself into Theater and Dance when I got back. Our department hosted this AH-MAZING New Works Festival and my responsibilities with the end-of-the-semester musical theater performance peaked.

The 202 (the apartment I share with Sean!) became the social hub for our friends, and we spent many a night staying up til 4am, laughing, reenacting musicals, and me surreptitiously trying to sleep. (Didn't work-- my so-called "friends" even stole my mattress one night.)

Then I spent time in the good ol' Couve, where I caught up with my best friend, my fave local ice cream shop, and some much needed time with my pillow. I should have caught up on my posts also, but I'll be honest, eating s'mores and watching Gilmore Girls sounded a lot better at the time.

But now I'm back in that city that never sleeps, and it just feels right! NYC is where I took my first baby steps into the blogging world, and now that I've returned, it'll be easy to slip right in again.

It's funny, during my first couple days back in the city, I realized I needed to readjust back to several of my NYC-ccentric tendencies. I had remembered that since I'm in the same neighborhood that people would talk to me in Spanish because they think I'm Dominican, and I actually think it's really cool. But I had forgotten that I don't have to self-consciously try to hide my thick thighs when wearing shorts because there are girls that are the same shape as me. I forgot that I don't have to search high and low for hair products because there are girls that have the same hair as me. I forgot that you don't have to say sorry when you bump into someone on the sidewalk. And I certainly forgot how tiring the city is.

Let's do a quick recap of this past week's highlights:

*Attended Chicago night at Below 54 with my friend Jennifer
*Fan-girled over Adam Pascal at Chicago night
*Second first day of summer internship at DoSomething.org
*Drinks after work with one of DS's graphic designers, Keri, and the oh-so talented performer, Kyle Scatliffe
*Made Kyle serenade me with "Felicia Green Eyes" (formerly "Sarah Brown Eyes") from Ragtime
*Celebrated DS's 20th birthday in a major way:
     -Sang along while Hanson performed
     -Received cell numbers from two guys in 15 minutes (a first for me..)
     -Bonded with new interns and saw/laughed/danced with old interns
     -Went karaoking (which is much better when you are 21 and with the DS staff)
*MY FRIEND JENNIFER WON TONY AWARDS STUDENT RUSH TICKETS!
*Wore an XXL T-shirt and yelled #fitchplease outside of the flagship Abercrombie store.

...and those were just the highlights. So now I'm in bed, enjoying this luxury of, well, doing nothing. Even Wonder Woman has nights off.

I'll admit I might have been a little nervous that this summer wouldn't live up to the summer that never slept. I mean, they say that good things come in pairs, but in my experience, that isn't always the case. Thing 1 and Thing 2? Two people obnoxiously making out on public transportation? And don't even get me started on Grease 2. However, if this first week is any indication of how the rest of this summer is going to go, I have no reason to worry. I can already tell this will be a sequel I enjoy, like National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. Love me some Nicholas Cage and Justin Bartha!

xx

How Do You Measure A Year?

In daylights? In sunsets? In midnights? In cups of coffee?

Or maybe how your level of comfortability while riding the New York subway?

It's crazy to me to think that it was merely one year ago, that I was here in New York City for the first time by myself. Even though I was so excited by the city and felt like I belonged, there was still a sense of uncomfort and nervousness within me. And on top of that, it was exactly 365 days ago that I watched Sister Act in The Broadway Theatre, then trekked off on the R train to stay with a friend in Brooklyn. Or so I tried. The R train was down for maintenance and the panic on my face triggered a young man to help me get to my destination. If it hadn't been for him, I may still be stuck on the Union Square subway stop. Flash forward to this March 15: I watched Cinderella in The Broadway Theatre, then trekked off to the R train to stay with a friend in the Lower East Side. I accomplished the endeavor with ease and comfort. Here I am writing this blog.

You can measure a year with birthdays, holidays, school years, but returning to NYC a year after my first lone experience of the city opened my eyes to how much I have grown in the past year. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true. I hate to admit that all those times our parents have told us "you really find out who you are in your 20s" they were right, but they were. This probably means they are also right in the sense that will miss taking college classes after the fact, but I'm finding this one seriously hard to believe. I do believe that my core values, my "essence", my Felicia-ness, has been there since December 26, 1991 and will be with me until I peace out, but it's exciting to see the change and growth in my life since this time last year. I feel like there is a newfound confidence and it came from me taking that leap out of my comfort zone and spending the summer in the city by myself.

This city is the best. Ever. There's this energy that can't really be explained-- you have to experience it. And I feel like the best time to experience it is in your 20s. It's the time where sleep isn't high on the priority list (okay it's way high on the priority list but for some reason we all go without it anyways), and you can just ride that constant wave of energy until you crash, take a power nap, then do it all again. My friends Ja'Michael and Jelisa were able to experience this energy for the first time during this spring break, and I was so happy we met up and I was able to be a part of it and see the excitement of their first visit!

It was also great to be a part of the UT seminar for the second time, and feel prepared and professional. I was a part of the journalism group and it was AWESOME. We visited The New York Times, Vanity Fair, Sports Illustrated, The Huffington Post, ABC News, CNN, BuzzFeed, and Food Network Magazine. I made some new friends that I can tell will be good friends, and was able to reunite with the fabulous folks of DoSomething.org that I love so much.

I'm not sure if I can accurately expresse how alive this city makes me feel, but I can say how much it has influenced this past year for me. In some ways, it has been there for me to daydream about during Biology for non-majors, and in other ways, it has seriously altered my future. In the past 525,600 minutes, I have measured my life in New York City.

xx

@yournamehere

If it isn't obvious, I'm obsessed with all things social media. You can often find me at my computer resembling something of this nature:

Facebook, twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, tumblr, all those fun things. There's nothing I love more than thinking up a witty caption for a photo or an amusing 140 character anecdotes about one of my mundane life events.

I think a lot of people, like myself, like the community that's created through social media. Aside from cyber bullying and those annoying people who just like to pick fights on Facebook walls, people can really connect with people to feel more included and less isolated. Especially now that people are really increasing their live tweeting of national events (Obama's second inauguration, Oscar's, etc) and using an excessive amount of #hashtags, people can easily access what you have to say.

Like those photos take during the weekends that show how seriously you are taking your duty to drink legally? We're all applying for internships and jobs and guess what-- they DEFINITELY google you and look at your twitter. When pictures of your ratchet Thirsty Thursday comes up on your feed, they'll be like that US Olympic gymnast and will not be impressed.

So what info do we put on which social media platforms? A lot of my friends will post personal things on twitter and then keep facebook nice and tidy because they have parents and other relatives on there. I personally like to keep twitter for professional networking stuff (and don't forget those anecdotes about my life events!) and leave my personal musings to facebook.

I'm not sure if there is a right or wrong way to do social media, but this is just a friendly reminder to be conscious of what you put on your social media because you never know who is going to see it. And a reminder to not use hashtags on facebook, because that just irks everyone.

xx

Ima Buy U A Drank?

I'll be the first to admit I'm still a newbie to the alcohol world. I didn't go crazy and do massive amounts of drinking my first two years of college, and the only alcoholic drinks I could/can name are ones from movies and Caribou Lou by Tech N9ne.

"Oh, I'll have a cosmo." -Sex and the City
"Two martinis please, and make Mr. Parker's a double."-The Parent Trap
"I'll have a Grey Goose Martini, two olives, dirty."-Sweet Home Alabama
"Two double seven and sevens."-Bridesmaids
"151 rum, pineapple juice, Malibu..." -Caribou Lou

But seriously, when did everyone learn about different alcohol and drinks? Was that a class I missed freshman year? Even on my 21st birthday, after I ordered my Cosmopolitan, my friends had to help order as I decided what kind of taste I liked. The verdict: fruity and sweet so I can barely taste the alcohol. How cute and precious I am.

I'm not ashamed that I didn't drink before my 21st birthday, but it's just a weird transition going from zero to twenty-one in one birthday. With a lot of my friends turning 21 now, we're going to celebrate their birthdays and I still have no idea what to order. It's also all so expensive! I'm not made of money! The most recent birthday of my friends took place this last week, and we went to Chili's happy hour, which helped me save some face because they had margaritas and I certainly know about margaritas. Or at least I thought I did. When the bartender asked what flavor, I excitedly pointed to the marchino cherries and said "I really like those...can I have some of those in it?!" The innocence, the innocence!


I also get really nervous buying alcohol in the grocery store. It's weird, it's almost like buying condoms or a first bra, trying to avoid eye contact and paying as fast as you can without giggling from embarrassment.

So clearly, alcohol and I won't be making BFF bracelets anytime soon, but hopefully one day I can actually order a real drink without hesitation, because right now, starting :26 and on is an accurate portrayal of my life:

This week is brought to you by the word struggle bus

Sometime between Monday and Tuesday, I boarded the struggle bus and I haven't gotten off. What's worse, I willing waved my arms, flagged it down, and got on!

I'm still trying to find this balance of having fun, and responsibility. With quotes like,"You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does..." (Tom Petty) floating around, I can't really be blamed that I went out dancing instead of learning how to conjugate "mettre" for my French class on Friday right? Not to mention that I felt super cool flashing my 21-year-old ID and got to skip those hideous black X's on my hands.

And at work on Wednesday, another 8th grader made me realize how different life is at 14 and 21. She was telling me how lucky I am that I can stay up as late as I want, have people whenever I want, eat whatever I want, and basically do whatever I want. Which is kind of true. We have a lot of freedom at this age, and I've been wondering if I've been taking advantage of it since I like to keep my life organized, scheduled, and planned out. Maybe that's why I ate a whole pan of brownies with friends instead of reading a 27 paged article for class. Maybe that's why I had to eat a Hershey's chocolate kiss for breakfast on Wednesday. (Which isn't as glamorous as our first grade selves thought it would be to have candy for breakfast.) As fun as these past couple of nights have been, I have definitely felt the consequences in my classes. Forgetting assignments, not doing well on quizzes, only hitting a triple pirouette once, and just the general feeling that I will pass out from exhaustion at any moment.

I wish that when it came to partying and procrastinating I could say that

But when I felt super sick Friday night, I finally found my stop and got off the struggle bus because I made myself skip a party just so I could get sleep and feel better. 

I'm sure it's possible to balance having fun and and being responsible. But maybe it's okay that we're not really sure how to equalize them right now. And maybe it's better to have a few slip-ups now than later when we have jobs. After all, work never ends, but college does.

Nancy Meyers presents: Love.

Growing up watching every Nancy Meyers romantic comedy, I have often found myself choreographing my own happy-moments montages, applying soundtracks to my emotions, and hoping that my current love interest will execute some grandiose, romantic gesture. Basically, I wish my life was a rom-com. And can you blame me? There's love, laughter, and the conflict is solved in under 100 minutes.

Of course, I'm not silly enough to truly expect my life to reflect rom-coms (but if any cute guys wants to organize a flash mob in Grand Central Station like in Friends With Benefits, I won't complain...), but they've definitely have had me thinking about love. Especially with yesterday being Valentine's Day.  Confession time: this is my first Valentine's Day being single in five years. WHAT? I'm only 21 years-old! Clearly, romantic love has been a priority for me for the past five years, probably because of all those rom-coms. You would think yesterday would have been hard for me to get through, but I can sincerely say it wasn't. Sure, it was weird to not bake brownies or write a wonderfully cheesy card, but I've found out that my idea of love has grown and expanded, which is why I didn't drown myself in chocolate ice cream and The Notebook.

My realization that my idea of love has expanded came the day before Valentine's Day, when I worked the front desk at Ballet Austin. Like I have for the past year and a half of working there, I found myself listening to stories of 8th grade girls and their love predicaments. Things like the stressful task of giving your crush a Valentine, or slow-dancing with a boy for the first time. I mean, do y'all remember how exciting it was to bobble around in a circle to some R&B slow jam? (It was Usher and Alicia Key's "My Boo" for me!)  It was so nice to reminisce on the simpler times as they recounted their stories. I remember at the time, slow dancing, hand holding, and just talking on the phone elicited a feeling of being loved. As we've gotten older, clearly the feeling of being loved has become more intimate, with losing virginities and planning futures together. Then, after the break-up with my boyfriend last semester, my idea of love expanded even more. I thought I wouldn't feel loved for a while, but it was quite the opposite! My mom and my close friends showed me where the love was (I have to remember to tell the Black Eyed Peas next time I talk to them), and they were there for me whenever I needed them. That's when I realized that rom-coms don't have to always end with the girl getting the guy that she was mad at a mere 17 minutes ago. Love in real life is scary and awesome, and isn't only manifested through romance. It can be felt through your mom listening to you cry on the phone for the 100th time, laughing about embarrassing moments with your best friend, or even dancing the wobble with your friends in your living room on Valentine's Day. And cue: "This Will Be An Everlasting Love" by Natalie Cole, because everyone knows a good rom-com ends with a scene of dancing to that song.

xx