A Space to Dream

Life as a Social Media Manager for a ~theatrical news outlet~ means I'm constantly clocked in. I never truly get to punch my time card at the end of the day, because for me (not to be dramatic) there is no end of the day. Whether it is posting content or monitoring feeds for breaking news, the space that many people use to unwind is my work space and constantly keeps me on edge.

That's why when I took a week off to go home last week, handing over the reigns and responsibilities to co-workers seemed near impossible. Would they dedicate that around-the-clock attention that I usually give? Would *I* be able to not dedicate that around-the-clock attention and actually disconnect?

My mom planned a camping trip deep in the Pacific Northwest for the first three days of my visit, so I didn't really have a choice. We would have no cell service.

About an hour into the car ride, I posted my final Instagram photo (before a co-worker took it over for the rest of the week), and I decided to put my phone away. We still had service, but I thought I might as well and take the plunge. We cranked up the Bright Star cast recording (WE LIKE IT BECAUSE WE'RE FROM TEXAS OKAY) and shared some fascinating conversations.

It was freeing.

Me feeling bright and breezy on the beach with no service

As much as I thought I would feel FOMO and anxious about not having access to social media, I felt quite the opposite. I brought out my phone a few times to take photos and videos, but other than that, it remained untouched in my backpack.

It was the perfect way to set the tone for a week at home. Being in a space surrounded by nothing but nature was exactly what I didn't know I needed. I guess I am a PNW kid after all. Even after we got back to my hometown (and service), it felt different than normal visits do. I usually feel overwhelmed of the odd, nostalgic fragments of memories that meet me when I'm at home: they include ex-boyfriends, former friends, and embarrassing moments where I wasn't 100% sure of who I was as a person. Sure, I still strategically maneuvered around Target so I didn't see kids from high school and let my mom make me breakfast, but there was another element layered on. It was something along the lines of gratefulness and appreciation.

I (for the most part) tried to be genuinely present and in the moment. I spent time with friends that I've known for 17 years. We ate, we laughed, we sang Sound of Music at the top of our lungs. We looked through old photos of us from elementary school and talked about what was going on in our lives. How things have changed, how things have stayed the same and how there are some parts of this world we'll never understand. As I sat taking in these moments, I internally acknowledged how grateful I was to have a space where I can be myself and a permanent, full-time support system. These people have seen me through everything: braces and frizzy hair, phases of being too-obsessed with boyfriends, graduation, and really great karaoke renditions of Stevie Wonder's "Superstition."

Since 1999

They were there when I was building towards the dream of New York City; just a cherished aspiration, ambition and ideal. I spent years sifting through possibilities that would lead to the Big Apple: learning the iconic choreography of Alvin Ailey's Revelations, flipping through pages of Seventeen magazines. Maybe because some of our dreams have become a reality, or maybe it's because old superficial relationships have been stripped out, but I was truly able to appreciate home this time around.

Home has always been a space to dream, and I felt new dreams bubbling up as I began packing to return home. 2016 has been jarring (in a number of ways - personal, the world, etc) and visiting the space where it all began is exactly what I needed to recharge (phone pun intended).

June 16, 2016; or, The Day I Almost Got Married

If you asked me eight years years ago what I'd be doing on June 16, 2016, I probably would have said I'd be getting married to my high-school boyfriend.

Let that sink in.

I was 16 years old. 16 was my favorite number.  It was our anniversary date. I would be two years out of college by then. It made sense... at the time.

I did not think that I would be spending the day from recovering from taking photos, talking with and teaching Broadway legends how to use Snapchat the day before.

Yesterday, 70 Broadway stars gathered to record "What the World Needs Now" (a la 1985 "We Are The World"), to be released on iTunes with the proceeds going to LGBT Center of Central Florida. It's obviously been an intense, heartbreaking couple of days. The Orlando tragedy took place the morning of the Tony Awards, so the Broadway community used multiple platforms to send love and show solidarity with victims and those affected: social media, pinned silver ribbons, and the actual broadcast itself.

There are too many people to point but it's a lot

And now they were doing more. There were a few reasons why yesterday will be one of the best days of my life.

By now, I've learned how to calm my inner-fan girl and play it cool while capture social content at Broadway events. But yesterday was other level. Within the first five minutes of walking in the door, Tommy Tune and I waved to each other (!!!) and he whisked by me with his arms open to give Chita Rivera a hug. I swooned.

This was followed by seeing Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane huddled in the corner (reminiscing about The Producers I'm sure?!), Michael Cerveris and Judy Kuhn strolling through the hallway (going over lines for Fun Home?!), and chatting with Kimiko Glenn (Soso from Orange is the New Black). And she was the least-intimidating because we had worked on a live-stream together. Just so you understand what "other level" I'm talking about.

Soon the recording studio was filled with Broadway stars and legends. Bernadette Peters, Audra McDonald, James Monroe Iglehart, Carmen Cusack, Jose Llana, Jessie Mueller, Billy Porter, and so many more; all there to support the victims of Orlando.

Sarah Jessica Parker looked stunning -- not a day over Carrie Bradshaw circa 1999 -- as she touched my back and said "Excuse me, sorry," to squeeze past me. College freshman Felicia squealed.

I helped Matthew Broderick as he learned how to use the drawing tool of Snapchat, and it took everything in me to not start singing "Twist and Shout" with Ferris Bueller style.

The same thing happened with Joel Grey and Bernadette Peters, but "Willkommen" and "Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better," respectively.

Then it happened. I was going through the Snapchat coverage so far, and Lin-Manuel Miranda walks by. We've been in the same room before, I've taken photos of him, but have never actually talked to him, so clearly this was a big deal. We make eye contact. He gives me a cool nod and a "Hey" and I stumble through something resembling "Hi." OKAY. I knew I had to rectify that situation later.

I brushed off my embarrassment to capture Carole King singing her solo, and ran into Sara Bareilles. She said she had seen me on Playbill's Snapchat and that's when I blacked out. We geeked out together over Carole King and laughed about my embarrassing moment with Lin. She was so chill. I loved it.

I saw Lin standing a few feet away from me a few minutes later and I boldly said "Lin!" and I went up to explain how embarrassed I was about earlier.
Felicia: I've honestly been thinking about this moment since 2012 when I discovered In The Heights and it changed my life so I feel like I messed it all up.
Lin: Goodness gracious! No you didn't, you're fine!

Then he recorded this adorable snap for me and I almost passed out. (ALSO he asked about Bye Felicia and that's the only time I was happy about it.)

Then it REALLY happened. Whoopi MF Goldberg. She was walking past and I was practicing my deep breathing.
Felicia: Ms. Goldberg?
Whoopi (as she wraps her arms around me for a hug): Whoopi, just Whoopi.
Felicia: Whoopi. I just wanted to introduce myself, I'm Felicia, I do social media for Playbill and I want to grab a photo of you for that, but first and foremost, I wanted to thank you. You have been such an inspiration my entire life. Sister Act, The Lion King, Cinderella! I wore out those VHSes growing up.
Whoopi:Oh no, you are so sweet. Thank you.
Felicia: Can we also take a selfie together? I am just so honored to meet you. My mom is going to be so excited.
Whoopi: Sure!

Sister Mary Clarence in the flesh, y'all! 

It was magical. In second grade, after my tap dance performance at the end-of-the-year talent show, a teacher wrote in my yearbook "Whoopi would be proud," because everyone knew how much Whoopi inspired me. And to be able to thank her and hug her was so magical. It was magical!

Soon it was recording time, and the crowd filled in the studio. They sounded INCREDIBLE. That's what you get when you gather 70 top-notch Broadway stars! Hearing them sing "What the world needs now is love sweet love" was addicting, emotional, powerful. I wanted to just sit there and hear them sing the whole thing over and over. These are the people that we all admire, and it's for good reason. They're not just talented performers, but they're warm and gracious humans, too. I've never felt so proud and honored to be a part of the Broadway community.

They say a wedding day is the best day of a girl's life. Maybe it's true. All I really know is that yesterday was one of those truly special days that I want to hold onto as long as I can. There was so much love in that room, and I can't wait for the world to hear it.